Bama Fan Poisons Own Trees After ‘Crimson Squad’ Loses Spring Game

Tuscaloosa, AL– Campus Police are responding to an incident  where authorities believe a Bama Fan has poisoned trees on Bama’s own campus.  Jake McDonoghue, a Tuscaloosa resident, is accused of destruction of public property and public endangerment.  Witnesses told police McDonoghue could be seen pouring a mysterious substance into the roots of multiple trees on The University of Alabama’s Campus shortly after the annual A-Day Spring Game.  According to those close to McDonoghue, he attended the Spring Game and was upset about his beloved ‘Crimson Squad’ losing the game.

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“Jake’s actually a decent guy.  I don’t know what happened.” said Mike Williams, a close friend of McDonoghue.  Mike was with Jake at the Spring Game: “He got really upset about one team losing to the other.  I tried to explain that it wasn’t a big deal, but he stormed off and got black-out drunk.”   Mike continued, “I guess us Bama fans aren’t good at losing- even to ourselves.  Makes sense ‘cuz we don’t get much practice- Roll Tide!”.   A few hours later, McDonoghue returned to campus with a drum of what appears to be poison and proceeded to pour it into the roots of various trees throughout campus.  Witnesses reported a man with a red and white “RMFT” shirt acting suspicious near University Blvd.   Police responded to the scene and arrested McDonoghue for destruction of public property and public endangerment.   McDonoghue’s bail is set at $350,000 and is scheduled to sit before a judge next week.

When asked about the situation, Head Coach Nick Saban literally had nothing to say.  he simply shook his head in disbelief.  Social Media, on the other hand, has had quite a lot to say about McDonoghue.  While he can’t check his Social media accounts from jail, close family and friends claim he’s received numerous death threats.  However, the biggest question seems to be: “How do theses Bama Fans keep getting their hands on poison?”  and “Why do they hate trees so much?”  We’ll  keep you informed as the story unfolds.