“Bama’s Library Burns Down… All 3 Books Lost in Fire”

Tuscaloosa, AL– The University of Alabama is saddened today as the school’s campus library burned to the ground early yesterday afternoon. Authorities found the charred remains of a once beautiful building around 3:15 PM yesterday afternoon. Police don’t have any suspects at this time but are asking the public to contact Campus Police with any information.

Despite the library itself being completely destroyed, miraculously, no one was injured in the fire. Chief Maripas of the University’s Campus Police spoke with the media today, stating: “Luckily, no one was in the building when it caught fire. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t look like anyone’s been in that building for quite some time now.” Investigators believe the fire started around 1 PM yesterday and burned for over two hours before anyone noticed or reported the blaze. Witnesses told our reporters that that portion of campus was a “ghost town” since the majority of the university was “watching Coach Saban parallel park his car”.

University scholars and historians are distraught over the loss of several books contained in the library when it caught fire. “All three of the University’s books were in that library. It’s truly a tragic loss.” claimed Jeff Sutzman, a professor at the University of Alabama. When we spoke with Cam Robinson, LT for the school’s football program, he was shocked to hear the news: “A library?! When did we get a library?!”

Auburn University officials released a statement today claiming that they are “deeply saddened by the tragedy that took place on Bama’s campus yesterday”. The statement went on to say that they would “help with the relief efforts by donating 3 coloring books to replace those lost in the fire.” Campus and state leaders are reaching out to the community for help as well, asking parents of children in 1st-5th grade to donate any old or unused books to rebuild the library.